I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
