i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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