Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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