Sacagawea was the original milf.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
