I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They took my balls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
