Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
