Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
