The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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