Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
