You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
