May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
