he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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