so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
