I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
