I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
