I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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