today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My vagina is officially offended.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
