its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
