You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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