Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My feet surprised me
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