just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
