there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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