My nipple is on Facebook.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
