found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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