Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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