I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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