Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
