piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
