dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
