why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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