i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
