Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
