dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
