I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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