If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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