I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
