She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
