She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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