I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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