Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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