Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
