Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
