those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
