Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
