My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
