I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
