Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
