I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Damn victory sex feels great
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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