Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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