ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize