My friends, they love my intelligence
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
